P.S. I have to add that the removing toys and clothes that are not put away and having them “pay” for them with chores is making me so happy. It’s a win-win – I’m getting our craft shelves organized and the playroom vacuumed!! I just told my oldest to get her things out of the car, when she ignored me I said “no problem, I can take care of that” – she sprinted out to the car.
In my first few years of parenting I read a book recommended to me by several friends, a pediatrician and one of my family members, all whom I deeply respect. The book promoted spanking (“spare the rod, spoil the child”) and taught that children should obey the first time, every time with out delay or complaining. This turned into a brutal cycle that has lasted several years. In the beginning I did spank and I felt so horrible about it that I stopped.
However, the expectations of a good child, reflective of a good parent, remained. You can imagine the pressure I put on myself and them. Unfortunately, as parents we are bombarded with opinions – time out alienates your child, spanking is abuse and yelling will damage them. I have felt powerless with giant expectations for both of us for years – which has turned into lots of anger and frustration. I would lie in bed each night feeling guilty and like a failure.
The Love and Logic approach has really provided a positive way for me to help my children learn and to continue to build our relationship. Luckily I am married to a man who naturally parents this way. I can’t tell you the freedom, peace and excitement I have now with the Love and Logic philosophy and principles. I still need lots of practice to be prepared rather than react, but I finally feel empowered with a great set of tools.
Mom of Three Great Kids